Is Yoga an Excuse to do Disgusting Things?

First of all, isn't this guy totally disgusting?!

Forget about the fact that he is using his foot as a shoulder rest....I can't stop looking at his teeny tiny package.

Come, on, I know it was the first place you looked! Like, does yoga shrink a man's balls?

And that patch of furry, gray hair on his chest, yuck!

So degrading this man is not the point of this post - but I couldn't resist:)

As some of you might have read, I am on a journey to replace my need for retail therapy with some healthier, more humane choices.

One thing I have tried is yoga. I have been doing it for 1 week, and before yesterday, absolutely loved it.

Yesterday, I took a more advanced class. I am by no means advanced, but it was all they were offering.

As the "practitioners" arrived, I immediately started people watching (stereotyping).

First there were the Trophy Wives. Most have McMansions in the suburbs, and have long blond hair pulled back with a mod printed headband. Perfect bodies, boobs that don't fall to the side when they lay on their backs, are wearing $150 t-shirts, and carrying X-large Chanel bags. They carry their money on their arms.

Next I saw, what I will call the Limousine Liberals. These women are city dwellers, attempting to be the antithesis of the Trophy Wives. They had careers before having children (unlike the Trophy Wives), but now "choose to stay home and make the sacrifice." They deem themselves intellectuals and hold all of us to the high standards that all humanitarians should strive for. Quite often they will mention their previous careers in hopes of still being able to gain a little bit of credibility. They dress like they are going to an outside music event, yet have the tell-tale signs of wealth. For example, one woman had on a marathon t-shirt, baggy black athletic pants, carried a hemp-like bag with strings hanging from it, and had on diamond earrings that had to have been a total weight of at least 6 carats. These women probably feel some guilt or shame from having money, but aren't able to make the full plunge into living a non-material life. I suppose that some would call them blazing, liberal hypocrites.

Then there were those that still live in the 60's. I will call them the Hippies of Past and Present. They are committed to living in the modern world of today while still living in the past. These women who have very short hair, dress like the Limousine Liberals, but worse, and rarely speak to anyone. Upon entering the studio, they bow to the instructor, sit on their mat, close their eyes, and attempt to become one with the universal energy. Their children are grown. Many are writers, organize fundraisers for non-profit organizations, or are professional volunteers. They pretty much despise the Trophy Wives, and look at the Limousine Liberals as misguided humanitarian wanna-bees.

So, finally we get to the point of my story...

Occasionally in this heated hen house, there will be a rooster. The male yoga practitioner.

Yes, I know that men have been practicing Yoga for centuries, but not in Minnesota and not during the work day. Yesterday we had one. He had little body hair, wore a baggy t-shirt, and positioned himself directly in front of the instructor. A typical rooster positioning tactic. One must always be in full view of all females in order to display his skills, hence worthiness as a mate.

So the class begins with some controlled breathing exercise.... Breath in for 7 counts...hold for 8 counts....and exhale for 4 counts......Breath in for 7 counts...hold for 8 counts....and exhale for 4 counts.

On the second exhale, I heard a strange sound. It sounded kind of like a cow going into gastric distress.

I couldn't figure out where it was coming from, but then I realized it was the rooster.

He was exhaling so fiercely that the sound being emitted from his throat was just awful. I tried to block it out of my mind, but then it started sounding like a moan. And, now my mind was running away with it...and it was sounding like a sexual satisfaction moan.

The visual of this man having sex and making this sound was horrifying!

I felt violated, disgusted, and angry. How dare he make such a show of his breath. How dare he distract me, and everyone else from our peaceful place.

For the rest of the class, I spent more energy attempting to block him out than focusing on my poses.

I have to think that there must be some level of decorum expected in yoga studio. Like, no talking, respect other people's space, don't rip a really loud one, and especially like, don't make distracting guttural utterances!

Then, I realized just how selfish I was sounding. I had fallen back into my self-centered mindset. And you know what I realized? Maybe that is just part of what I am. Maybe I am selfish and judgmental. Maybe I should just accept these traits and move on.

I suppose I should actually thank the rooster for evoking such a response.

Maybe he was sent to me with the message of tolerance. Or maybe, I'll just make sure I never take that class again.